So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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