I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
