Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
