yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
