Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
