I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
