At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
try to milk me bitch
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
