i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
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He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
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Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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