At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
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apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
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Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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