franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
