dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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