Three words: puerto rican gang bang
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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