I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
