So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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