I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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