Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
