i think my mom watched the whole time
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
