I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
