finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
