I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
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the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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