Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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