evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
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We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
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I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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