my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
