guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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