yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
