Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
