I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
