If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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