do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
