the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion