Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
It's official drugs can't kill me
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth