I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
