do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There r osticjed everywhere
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
