You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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