you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
