i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
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I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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