he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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