oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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