I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I touched a dick in church today
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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