mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
