I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
