Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
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Church boner. Awkwardddd
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
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My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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