Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
