Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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