Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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