you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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