Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
