thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
