WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
