i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
