dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
