I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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