just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
