she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I came so hard my ears popped.
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