just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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