Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
