Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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