Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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