I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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