I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
