My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
